The 4th of January 2021 was a big news day for the UK. The Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced that England was to commence an additional lockdown, which was ‘tough enough to control the new variant’ (UK Government, 2021). Coincidentally, this day was also a big day for me: it was my first day at university. I have been fortunate to be accepted to the Specialist Practice Qualification in District Nursing (SPQDN) course. This is a full-time course at level 7 (MSc), and blended between practice and theory.
I qualified in 2006, taking my preceptorship role on a stroke ward in an acute hospital. After 18 months, I moved on, taking with me a passion to nurse the whole person and promote independence. I joined a community nursing team, which was led by a district nurse who personified the role. She effortlessly considered the complex needs of the individual patient, the coordination of the team and the system-wide issues that affected the delivery of care to the caseload (Queen's Nursing Institute (QNI) and QNI Scotland, 2015). I had found my people and a role model.
Fast forward to 2020, through several community-based roles, clinical skill and leadership development and being accepted as a Queen's Nurse, a secondment opportunity for the SPQDN course was advertised within the trust. Without a second of doubt, I applied.
As the course start date approached, there wasn't much time to think about preparation for the course. The rates of COVID-19 were increasing in the local area, and Christmas was just around the corner. What I did feel was an enormous sense of guilt, to be ‘released’ from practice to be able to fulfil my ambition, at a time when I was most needed on the ground.
I was also increasingly aware of the ‘imposter monster’. ‘You are going to be found out!’ (Driscoll, 2020). Having spent much of the past year nursing a desk as the clinical lead for a community nursing team, I felt that my practical clinical skills had been lost behind root cause analyses and Datix management.
I was able to share these worries with my fellow SPQDN students at an early stage, and I was reassured that the course leaders had experienced similar feelings when they had commenced their SPQDN training and, reassuringly, that my peers were experiencing similar doubts.
In practice, I was forced into stripping back to assessing and treating one patient at a time. I am being supported to ‘undress to redress’ with enhanced skills and breadth and depth of knowledge. To be afforded this luxury and protection spoke volumes about the value that this qualification will have on practice. There is a real sense that I am being invested in. The dividend will be reaped by the service and, ultimately, by the community and caseload that I return to.
Only a few weeks in, the feeling of guilt and being an imposter are quieter, and I am encouraged by knowing that I am still contributing to practice, and that in 12 months' time, I will have a renewed passion and a strength of knowledge. I am confident that the SPQDN course will give the space to grow and become a role model for the next generation of SPQDNs.