In the month of May, a whole week (11–17 May) is dedicated by the Dying Matters Alliance to remind people of this initiative and encourage people to talk openly about death and dying, as a way of reducing any remaining death taboos (Dying Matters, 2021). The Dying Matters week develops themes for discussion every year, and this year's theme is ‘being in a good place to die’. My first reaction when I saw the theme was to wonder, what exactly this means; hence, this commentary tries to unpack the thinking behind it. According to the Dying Matters Alliance (2021), 28% people who had indicated their home to be their preferred place of dying did, in fact, die at home in 2020. We could conclude that these people were in the right place to die, although we lack evidence of the quality of care and death when compared with other places, such as hospitals and hospices. However, when we realise that the COVID-19 pandemic might have accelerated the trend of dying at home, then we start to question whether home was indeed a good place for them to die. For example, people who may have preferred to die in hospital might have been reluctant to be admitted when the pandemic was at its deadliest for fear of being infected and, thereby, die a COVID-related death.
It is critical to understand what it means to be in a good place to die:
The Dying Matters Alliance is clear that differences in these places only reflect the uniqueness of people; it is not about a wrong or right place to die, but more to do with the patient's preferences. Each patient and family should be afforded the opportunity to discuss how best to be in the right place to die for them.
While the above discussion may suggest this place to be a physical one, it is important to view it as a broad concept, to include emotional as well as psychological place. The point here is how health professionals can help and support dying patients to achieve equanimity, that is, emotional and psychological harmony. For example, people may not feel in a good place to die if they have not resolved their differences with their close relations. People may not be in a good place to die if they have not yet fulfilled their ambitions and wishes, let alone communicated them to their loved ones. Most people who are coming to the end of their lives may want to put their affairs in order, for example, write or revise their will, visit relatives and spend time with children and/or grandchildren. Chochinov (2012) claimed that dying people may not find psychological harmony if they think they are being a burden to others. Therefore, how we communicate and offer assurance is important to allay these fears. For religious individuals, a good place to die is when they maintained their faith and lived their lives according to the teachings in their holy texts.
Finally, when the bereaved realise that their loved one was in a good place before they died, this awareness might help them negotiate their grief and bereavement in a much more bearable manner. Therefore, it is important that people feel able to talk freely about their death and dying experiences, knowing that they will not be judged. Health professionals are in a strategic position where they can both identify and then encourage those who feel scared or perceive being judged to express their thoughts and emotions, because there is not a right or wrong way to die. Being in a good place to die is an individual experience, so let us facilitate it for all patients.